The Spiritual Artist Podcast

What's Done Is Done: Let Go of What Doesn't Serve You

September 04, 2022 Christopher J. Miller Season 2 Episode 40
The Spiritual Artist Podcast
What's Done Is Done: Let Go of What Doesn't Serve You
Show Notes Transcript

Podcast Host Christopher Miller and Author Wilene Dunn share the lesson of letting go. When we accept the current situation, we open a portal for new things to arrive. Sometimes the problem has nothing to do with you; it’s just not working.

Writer and speaker Wilene Dunn shared the concept for her new book, “If a Bee Were Like Me.” Don’t blame yourself, others, or the environment; take radical responsibility for your life. If we stay in resentment or the blame game, we don’t allow Spirit to provide solutions.

When you find yourself protesting, you’re not allowing what is. We move forward by allowing ourselves to act on our feelings.

After listening to this self-help podcast, take a few moments to center yourself, get quiet and identify something in your life that you can released. For more information on spiritual coaching or the podcast, visit https://www.spiritualartisttoday.com.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the spiritual artist podcast. This is Chris Miller. I invite you to join me as I interview artists from a variety of disciplines, we'll share powerful stories and lessons learned while making their art Good day. You're listening to the spiritual artist podcast. This is Chris Miller , um, kind of going off cuff today, kind of trying a different thing. So this morning I was had an interview scheduled and, and the person canceled last minute. And , uh, being in a flurry, I felt like I needed to get an interview out. As you know, I love to, to have something out every week, I called my friend Lene and was venting to her about how it wasn't working out. This, this interview didn't happen. And what do I do? I normally do this. I normally do that. And I suddenly Lene and I recalled this wonderful conversation that we had just just earlier this week. And it was such a good conversation. I thought I wanna talk about that. And Jolene's actually on her own. She brought it up and she said the same thing to me. She said, you know what, why don't you talk about this? And she said, I'll even log in with you. So the funny thing is, this is a story. This is a story of listening to, to divine intuition and inspiration. So I actually have Lene here with me today and I'm , I'm gonna call her a returning guest, a oftentimes here guest. So good morning. We , how are you?

Speaker 2:

Hi, Chris. I'm good.

Speaker 1:

Well, I was just telling the listeners how, you know, I talk , I called you up and I expected something to happen and it didn't happen. And, and you know, me, I I'm a do it kind of guy. And I'm always like pushing to make force something through.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And make it happen, make it happen. Well, sometimes we have to accept that it's not happening. And I think that's what this conversation is about. Um, I I'm , I've shared something. I brought something to show the listeners . I've been working on this painting for a while . Wow. And it's, it's not working for me and I keep struggling with it. And so what I do when a painting doesn't work is I turn it to the wall. I turn it back to the wall and I leave it in my studio and I wait a while. And then I turn it back. What I have found is oftentimes I'll come back and I finally see, I see a solution, but other times I don't. And so what we were talking about earlier this week is I can sit here and keep trying to make this color combination work or this composition work or right , right. Or what I could just start all over. Right. Or, or let it go, let it go. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. So you told this wonderful story about what that's like when you decide that some situation isn't actually serving you. It's okay. It's okay , Randy .

Speaker 2:

Sure. So I was telling you, I was working on a new book called if a be were like me. And so this idea of , of, you know, if, if a be were like me, it would do the stages of blame. We blame ourselves. We blame others. We blame our environment. Oh, I'm stuck here because, you know, I grew up in my mother and you know, how long are we gonna do that? You know, it's like, at some point you gotta take radical responsibility for yourself as an adult, you know, you're not 14 anymore. You know, I had a , I'm gonna say this. I had , I had a , I was talking to a therapist and I said, one time, I said, you know, but, but this I'm still connected to this. And she said, willing , you're 53 years old. And you know , stuff, you know , way more stuff than you did when you were 14. So, but we hold onto that. Right. We do the blaming of ourselves. So this bee goes through the process that it finds a flower. It has no pollen. It says, you, you stupid bee . You know, I can't believe, I can't believe, you know, you picked another flower without pollen. And then it goes to the next flower and it doesn't have all , it sits on the side of the flower going, I can't believe you flower . You have no pollen. What's wrong with you flower . You know, you, you never give me what I need and then it goes on and then it's like, the next flower has no, well, it must be global warming. You know, it must be the environment we know there must be a major problem here. And, and then, but if a be were like me, I mean, if I were like the be , yeah , right. If I were like the be , I would go happily from flower to flower finding what I needed, you know, taking radical responsibility for, I want pollen. This flower doesn't happen . It's okay. Flour . It's okay, me. Right. I'm just gonna go get what I need from the environment that has it. And you know, I walked outta my bedroom the other morning and I thought, gosh, after this long, you know, I confess my age already after this long, I think, you know, we grow up in a certain environment. We're trained to do certain things. We're in this, this thing. And now it's like, we're , we're stuck. We can't get out of it because we we're accommodating our environment. So then we grow up and we continue to accommodate instead of going, wait a second, I can actually leave this job. Wait, I can actually leave this, this relationship. That's not working. Hold on a second. You mean I can go be happy. You know? Like the be who just know pollen goes to the next flower for pollen has no attachment to all those things we attach. So it's a very fun conversation.

Speaker 1:

Well , it is , it is because you know, my tendency, like when I called you this morning is to resist it, to sit there and go, oh, this what I had in , I , what I had in mind for today is not happening. And, and then just hold onto it. It didn't happen. It didn't happen then all day long, you know what didn't happen this morning? I didn't have my interview. I didn't have my interview. But if we just say, oh, okay, what's next, right? Yeah . Like the me , we just fly to the next flower. That's that? And, and , uh, you know , uh, my husband tells me this wonderful story, cuz I have a tendency. I admit this listeners. I have a tendency to hold onto something and, and resist letting go. And he'll say, Hey, Hey Chris, that's just not on your path. Yeah . And , and I'm like, what? And he, that's just not on your path. Let it go. Or that person is not on your path or that job, that job's not on your path. It's not serving you. And I'm like, but I'll make, you know, I was telling you the other day, I'll make this work. I'll I'll if I work hard enough, they'll see who I am. Or if, if, if the boss is just, if I just do things more perfect or better or faster, I will be appreciated. But sometimes you're in an environment or relationship where you're not appreciated. And it , it has nothing. This is what I'd love the listeners to hear to . It has nothing to do with you. Right.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

It just is.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . It's, you know, it reminds me of a process we did in a , in a , um, so it's called the door wall . Right. You can go, if it's a wall, you're not gonna get through it. You , it didn't matter how nice you are to it. How loving you are to it. How mean you are to it, how aggressive you are with it. It's not going to open, it's a wall. You gotta go to the door. Right. And I love that example. So you can take coffee to the wall. It's not gonna open it's a wall. And, and when do we realize, and how quickly we realize what's a wall for us so that we can get to the door and make a new decision. But it is just like that be , it's just making new decision it's and quickly, right. Like you did today, you got that. It's not happening. So we talked and it was like, yeah , let's do this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Let's do you

Speaker 2:

Just like that? Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right. And so it's, it , it , and that's, what's so wonderful when you're open and you don't resist things, suddenly spirit, God, all that is steps in and tells you what to do. Yeah. If, if I was busy resenting and just kept going back , go , you know, we've all had that experience. Right. We're talking to a friend and they're so upset about something. They can't see the solution and it's right there. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but they keep going over. But this happened and this happened and this happened. And , but the solution's right here.

Speaker 2:

I had a conversation once with a , a girl who said, you know, all this big story about what, what , who her dad was. And it was Christmas. And he had asked her to come and see him. It was a bit of a drive. Um , but she's like, I'm not going because you know, when I was a kid and he did this and he did that and he was this , and I just said, just wait a second. So if we, if we just like go of the story, so let's just say your dad was the best dad in the whole wide world. Would you go? She goes, no, probably not. Because it's too far

Speaker 1:

To drive .

Speaker 2:

And I thought so , so here's the critical point right here is that we do that because of our insecurity to say no to someone, to , to take radical responsibility for ourselves and say, that's not somewhere I wanna go. And to, to take the hit when somebody might be upset with us by saying, no, you know, it's too far. It it's just, I feel, I feel like it's too far of a drive for me. I love you. And I'm not gonna do that. But instead all the blaming, all the story, all the upset,

Speaker 1:

You know, Beline , you're , you're reminding me exactly what we talked about earlier this week. It's coming back to me now is, is the , I , I , I have a tendency to do that. Myself is I, I , I think if you re , if I've realized , when I fight for something like that, when I start defending that, I'm not having faith in myself, you know, I'll sit there and go, but she does this. And , and I find myself before I make a big decision. I unfortunately, I'll, I'll go through weeks of this. And it's because she does this or that. And da , da , da , and , and the , and the truth of the situation is I have to have confidence and feel my feeling. Right. And just say, I , I don't wanna be there. I

Speaker 2:

Don't what

Speaker 1:

You just said . I can't go on that. Right . It's too long. It's not good today. It's not good for me. And yeah .

Speaker 2:

To pack up three dogs and two kids. And I I'm , I'm not gonna do that. <laugh> which

Speaker 1:

Is , and that's okay .

Speaker 2:

It's yeah. Well, right. But getting to that, it is okay . It is okay . That instead of having to, to blanket it with a story and blame somebody else, or blanket it with our story and blame ourselves, or blame our environment, mm-hmm <affirmative> right. We get to just make a choice and, and, you know, I understand that's gonna take some practice. Right. There's some practicing that goes, okay. I'm telling a big story. I always , I always say if you're making a decision, because something, you know, like, well , yelled at you because yeah. Well, okay. So, so here's a problem there, cuz if you're doing something because someone else did something or you're making a decision because someone else did something, then basically given your power away to a situation you're no longer in control of you. You're deciding something based on somebody else, which means that's a completely giving your power up. You're not making a decision based on how you feel, but now you're based on how somebody else did something. But again, it gets you off the hook, but it makes you the victim.

Speaker 1:

Right, right .

Speaker 2:

To the

Speaker 1:

Situation. So there's so many different ways of looking at this simple. What we think is a simple thing is that the blaming others and, and , and not letting go of it, blaming yourself, instead of just saying, well , this is all ,

Speaker 2:

All, that's all victim

Speaker 1:

And insecurity too, of where I'm not justified to feel this way. I find that when that I do that a lot, I , I , I feel like, oh , I don't have a right to say no to this. You have a right to say no listeners, yes. You , you have a right to say no. And so why I pulled, we lead in for this chat this morning is as you go through the week, I'm asking the listeners to sit down after this call and take a few minutes and think about what you're doing. What in your life are you doing? What piece of art are you trying to force through? Or what project or what relationship or what job that just is on the wrong path. And if you go, what ? Like to the next flower, I'm using mixing metaphors and walk through the door of that flower. But that all these different metaphors basically saying there is a right path that you can follow

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm <affirmative> yeah. You're so then we ask , why am I not motivated to do this job? And then you go, well, because da , da , da . And it's like, wait. So if you took radical responsibility in that moment and took your power back, and he said, you know, cuz I don't like it. So I just don't like it. I don't like the work. Um, I personally don't wanna drive this far. Like all the, all the reasons for you not blaming you, but really like what it is that you don't enjoy about a situation or a relationship. They yell at me all the time. I really don't feel uplifted. You know, all the little things that you could say, I, and I wanna be somewhere. And then you go in cuz that's conditioned, right? So the last time we talked about, then you go into what it is you want. I want a relationship that gives me everything that I, that I desire from an aspect of affection and, and camaraderie and encouragement. And you get to write that script. Well you do with your job too. And anything, it goes back to that, you know, the fly , the be goes to the flower, that's a condition, no pollen. So am I gonna blame the flower? Am I gonna blame? You know, am I gonna just focus on condition and be in that story? Or am I going to do what I want? And that's leave there, go find something else. Right. So it goes back to that too. It kinda all folds together.

Speaker 1:

Well, and, and there's even one more thing that you reminded me of when you said that is it doesn't, you don't have to make the situation wrong. It's it's just wrong for you. Yeah. You know , you don't have to make the person wrong. They're just wrong for you. Yeah . And , and or that painting is wrong for you. Maybe it's time to change the colors or may , you know? And, and I encourage everybody listening to this. It's okay. To even take a project and throw it away. I I'm , I , I , this isn't working for me. It's not bringing me joy. I'm gonna put this canvas in the trash. I, I mean, I always encourage cuz I'm so frugal to paint over it , but you know what, sometimes you might just need to get it out, right? Yeah. You get it out of your

Speaker 2:

And how cool you get to make that decision. And that's the thing that you were saying earlier. You're worthy of making the decisions that uplift and encourage you. And here's the thing. Somebody else may really want that job that you're in, that you hate. And if you get out of the way they can have it and they would love it and you can go do what you wanna do. I mean, it opens up so much space for everything. And plus how could you ever be your best at something you didn't wanna be doing? Uh , whether it's, whether it's, you know, the whole , because part, you just don't like it and that's okay. It's, it's the absolutely giving yourself permission to say, you know what I really like to do? I really, I really like to paint bold colors and I know everybody says they don't like them and I don't care because it's what I wanna do . Right . And I can love them that and all that. Um, but I don't have to take that on either. And then , and that would be the other part, you know, if the flower could talk back and say, you know, well, you should sit here and try to make this, you know? I mean, that's, that's a part of it. Two other people talking to us about, you know , what we should and shouldn't do. There's none of that. If you're not being fully enriched and alive, if you don't feel the aliveness of your day, take a look at it. Cause it's not your hormones. It's not, it's not , and not everything else you blame, right. Yeah. Right . It's that you're doing things that take away your liveness.

Speaker 1:

I love it.

Speaker 2:

Identify those things and

Speaker 1:

A little bit

Speaker 2:

Get rid of them .

Speaker 1:

I'm try . So, so your assignment this week listeners is to identify something in your life and decide to let it go. Just let it go. It's not on your path. There's another flower right down the , the lane there's, there's another door to go through, but you don't have to fight.

Speaker 2:

Right . So ,

Speaker 1:

So,

Speaker 2:

You know, it's , uh, it reminds me of the Gilmore girls , you know that Maria condo book, where she talks about, if, if you pick up something in your house that doesn't bring you joy, you know , get rid of it. Um , unfortunately in this scene, you know, they had just lost their father and the , the wife had lost a husband of 48 years and she was throwing everything out. And the daughter says to her mom, look, nothing's gonna bring you joy right now because you know, you just lost your partner. Right. But essentially, it's what we do. If we're, we're doing something that doesn't bring us joy. If we own things that don't bring us joy, if we're in relationships that don't bring us joy, it's not about blaming them. It's that they just don't. They just don't have the pollen. Yeah . They just don't have the pollen for you. And so just go on because if you are living a hundred percent and I'm living a hundred percent, what we love doing, and we're creating a world that works for everyone, because then we're able to be full expressions. And then that trickles out like that stone in the water, you know, that ripples out. But if we are frustrated and down, and then I'm talking to you about my frustration, and then you're talking about your frustration, what are we creating more of the same.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. <laugh>. So at that note, cuz I don't want this to go too long. It's supposed to be just a short snap for y'all listeners. But on that note, I re I remind you that I am. And uh , this in this recording is on my YouTube channel at the spiritual artist podcast. I encourage you to subscribe to the channel. So, you know, when we release new , uh, videos , uh, I have a woman next week. I'm really excited. She is from the UK. Her name is Irene Perel . She is an artist and a coach and I've already had a little pre-talk with her just this morning. Um, she's great. She's not the interview that canceled. She's gonna be fantastic. So , um, check us out next week to listen to Irene. She's got a lot to share and she's going to talk about what she says is which, where everything is connected. Everything is

Speaker 2:

Connected and like , and subscribe to

Speaker 1:

Yes. Like and subscribe to at the spiritual artist podcast on YouTube. Yes . So willing , thanks for helping me fill the spot.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Thanks. I always love our conversations. They're just super fun.

Speaker 1:

It is fun. Thanks again all

Speaker 2:

Soon . Bye .

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the spiritual artist podcast, whether you're following the show on apple podcast, Spotify or Google podcast, make sure you choose the subscribe button. So you'll receive new segments when they're released. Plus check out my new book, the spiritual artist now available on amazon.com in the meantime, be still listen and know that you are a spiritual artist.